You have a full calendar. And it’s only getting more full. Your default response is, “Yes!” to what ever anyone asks. Have you paused to consider what this is doing to your health?
We’re over committed and it’s making us sick.
We say yes too much. To clarify we say, “Yes,” to others too much. And every time we say yes to something it means we have to say no to something else. And that something else is typically the time we need to look after our bodies and the thing(s) that make our heart sing (the stuff that contributes to our delightful lives.)
I see this compulsive epidemic of yes sayers in my practice all the time. And while you may think all it is doing is insanely filling your calendar, it is also affecting your physiology and setting the stage for burnout, depression, digestive concerns, skin issues, or reproductive problems. Every time you take on more, stress chemicals flood you body and lower the immune system, zap energy and reduce digestive function.
Saying, “No,” takes courage no doubt, and there are several reasons for saying, “Yes.”
- Fear of being disliked
- Fear of disappointing
- Fear of losing love
- Being perceived as a lazy slacker
- and the list goes on.
But truly, what good are you to anyone if you’re burned out, moody and unable to focus for longer than a 30 second cat video?
Our bodies are constantly giving us signals about whether we are following our yes or someone else’s.
Here are 3 questions to ask yourself before you say yes to anything.
-
- Is saying, “Yes,” aligned with my heart soul purpose? (Not sure what this is? Brain-Based Transformational Coaching can help you find out.)
-
- Will I resent saying yes? Look ahead to the future… is it already feeling like a burden?
-
- How does it feel in my body? When you think about saying, “Yes,” what happens inside you? Pay attention to subtle changes. Do you notice Tightness? Heaviness? Constriction? Brow furrow? Or does it feel light, tingly, or expansive?
Being clear on what your body sensation of “yes” and “no” will take time. But the more you practice checking in before automatically responding with empty enthusiasm, the more you’ll be able to draw on your body’s wisdom.
And there is no harm or shame in saying you need some time to think about it. (Even though I actually recommend feeling into it over thinking about it. I write more about that here.)
Choose discomfort over resentment (Tweet it!)
Brene Brown (vulnerability researcher, author, and speaker) does the following when she is asked to do something for someone. She has this ring that she spins 3 times and with each rotation she says (to herself in her head), “Discomfort over resentment.” What she is doing is reminding herself that she would prefer the 30 seconds of discomfort it will take to decline the offer over the hours, days, or weeks of resentment, if she says, “Yes.”
If you’ve figured out what your honest responses feel like in your body but aren’t sure how to say, “No,” then head over here to this post:
How to Say No When You Don’t Want To Do Something
The next time you’re asked to do something I want you to remember those 3 questions and Brene Brown’s technique. I’d love to hear what your “yes” and “no” feel like so be sure to pop back and let me know.
To YOUR delightful, healthy life,
Dr. Tonia
PS: Be sure to sign up below. You’ll get access to the the Weekly Tonic and health tips that I only share with the superstars on my list.
