What if instead of saying, “Yes,” your default response was, “No?”
In a previous article (3 questions to ask yourself before you say yes to anything) I explained how we often over commit, and say, “Yes,” far too much.
In my practice I see the effect of this stress and resentment on people’s health. It’s a toll that can’t be ignored. Whether is’t low energy, depression, mood swings, insomnia, or even constipation our bodies are sensitive and responsive to the choices we make in our life.
The symptoms we experience are often just flags, alerting us to something in our lives that needs attention or a lifestyle adjustment.
When people have issues saying, “No,” when they want or need to, symptoms often relate to the borders between the outside and inside of the body: skin, intestines, and lungs. And that’s exactly what this problem is about: creating and affirming your personal boundaries.
What are you willing or not to allow? (Tweet it!)
So lets say you’ve asked yourself the three questions and your decision is, “No.”
Gulp! What now?
It doesn’t have to be stressful, or awkward. You can say no gracefully and elegantly. Alexandra Franzen has a lovely formula for this which I have simplified slightly:
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- Open with gratitude
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- Say, “No.”
- Close with generosity. Redirect to another resource
Here are some ways this could play out (swipe ’em, change ’em, make ’em your own. But for gosh sakes use ’em. Your health depends on it:)
1. Open with gratitude:
“Thanks so much for reaching out about _____________.”
or
“Thank you for considering me for ___________.”
or
“I’m honoured that I came to mind for_______________.”
Optional:
It sounds like a nifty project that will certainly benefit folks.
2. Say, “No.”
“I’m being really clear about where I spend my time and energy lately so I can focus on some exciting stuff I have going on. So I’ll have to say, ‘No.'”
or
“My schedule is pleasantly full right now and I don’t want it get unpleasantly full so I’m going to have to say, ‘No.'”
or simply
“I’m not available.”
Optional:
“I may have time in my schedule in the future so feel free to check back in.”
3. Close with generosity. Redirect to another resource.
“I can recommend this ______(human / company / resource.) I think it would be perfectly suited to what you’re looking for. I wish you all the best with the ________.”
Easy breeezy right?
You’ll actually be surprised at how easy it is, and how well received these conscious “No’s” are.
Try your own version of this the next time you don’t want to do something. Notice how the honesty feels in your body. These signals are the key to a healthy body and delightful life. Still stressed about it? Brain-Based Transformational Coaching can help your body feel safe no matter what the circumstances.
To saying, “No!” (And your delightful, thriving life!)
Dr. Tonia
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