What Do You Truly Deserve?

Lets talk about the word, “deserve.”

Particularly around the topic of food. I find it interesting, the deserving of food. Especially food that doesn’t make us feel good. This topic has been rattling around in my brain thingy for a few weeks.

To me, “I deserve,” is a funny thing to say about food. I mean I get it. It comes from being rewarded / bribed with food when we were younger.

From Google:

You’ve been good. You deserve a treat.

You’ve been bad. You don’t deserve a treat.

A patient recently told me he ate pizza and felt lousy for three days. “I deserve to enjoy food with my family,” he said.

I understand the longing beneath what he said (more on this later). I would argue that it’s not necessarily about the food (more on this later too).

Honestly I don’t think he deserved the pizza. And you don’t deserve the pizza (or reactive food) that makes you feel lousy for three days because you don’t deserve to feel lousy for 3 days. You don’t deserve to feel lousy at all! Health and happiness is normal, and I believe it’s your universe-given right to feel good.

I agree with what he was saying (not necessarily what he said). He was saying, “I deserve to feel vital and enjoy quality time with my family.” We all deserve this – to feel energetic so we can do the things that make us happy.

The food itself is not the thing we deserve.

Take another classic example. You’ve been rocking your healthy living and eating program and are noticing changes in how you feel and how you look. Other people are noticing too. Now it’s your Auntie Edith’s 80th birthday party and you’ve just sung happy birthday. Suddenly gads of shiny buttercream frosting on fluffy white cake are being passed around on little paper plates. One lands in your hand, and you try to pass it along but every one already has one, and you think, “Well, it is her birthday. How many times is she going to turn 80? And I have been so good lately. I deserve a treat.”

Does that sound or feel familiar (insert your own personal example of the wedding, the Christmas party, the night out with the girls?)

Now you’re off the wagon. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to get back on that bloody thing?

You’re out of breath, running along side it, reaching out to grab it, but it’s forever out of reach. There is biochemistry behind why this happens (more on this too, I promise).

So the adult question is:

Do you deserve the treat or do you deserve a fit, healthy body that you feel amazing in? A body that lets you do all the things that help you feel happy? A body that is fully capable of driving you to the things that light you up?

I ask these questions not to illicit guilt, shame or judgement. I promise.

You’re an adult. Make your choices. Decide whatever you want.

What I’m asking you to do is not delude yourself about what you deserve.

A reminder: You deserve health, vitality, and happiness.

Ultimately we all do.

We also deserve pleasure – and please let me be clear – I am not writing this to steal pleasure from you either. I’m writing this to help you create clarity around the things that actually bring you the pleasure that you actually deserve. I’m asking you to get honest with yourself.

I bet you’ll agree that often those things that we think we deserve are short term fixes that create lousiness, ickiness, and blehness. You with me?

I would wager the pleasure is not in the pizza, or the chips, or the cookies, or the bucket of ice cream.

Now, if I’m wrong here and this doesn’t apply to you then by all means have at ‘er. Mange, Mange. Food is truly one of the most delightful pleasures we get to experience in these earthly bodies of ours. Keep in mind is that pleasure is a sensual experience. You must be conscious – AWAKE – to the information your senses are sending your brain. So if you’re cramming half a bag of Oreos into your mouth and not paying attention to it, then it’s unlikely you’re actually experiencing pleasure.

The sweet spot is finding the foods you LOVE that you body ALSO loves (more on this below).

You may be triggered reading this. If you’re feeling annoyed or frustrated by what I’m saying then you probably know I’m right and your nervous system is making you feel uncomfortable with this new level of awareness. Hello change baby. Your brain is literally rewiring its self right now.

Here is another, personal example / analogy.

As I tend to do I wrote this section as I was out walking with the dawgy in the woods.

At one point, I saw this pathway that I’d never noticed before. For a few seconds I thought I should take it and see where it goes. However I had promised my dog that we would go to the watering hole so she could have a swim and a drink. Even though it seemed exciting, shiny, and new, taking this new path was a gamble because I didn’t know where it would end up. But we had a goal. The new mystery path was a distraction and in that moment I chose to say focused on keeping my promise.

Truth be told part of me felt that I deserved to have a spontaneous adventure by taking the curious path. I like spontaneity and fun but I also deserved the satisfaction of reaching the destination that I had been aiming for.

Lets pull this back to our health goals. Ask yourself. Where do you want to be? Who do you have to be to get there? And what path will take you there?

This stuff is not easy.

Confession time! Admittedly I wrote this on the tail of a big Easter celebration that we hosted. On our walk I was acutely aware are of how unhappy my body was with the choices I made in terms of what I put in my mouth (over and over again). Mini eggs, fresh home-baked bread, profiteroles. I was definitely off path, and not even enjoying the things I was eating, and certainly felt lousy afterwards. I didn’t deserve those things. The pleasure derived was so short lived (like maybe only seconds) that it was certainly not worth the ick and the bleh that followed.

When I reflect back on why I over indulged I see I was looking to celebrate with my loved ones. I deserved this. The junk food I ate didn’t give me that. What did was spending time together, laughing, creating and embracing. Those things gave me true pleasure in the form of connection and community. I could have stuck to the veggie sticks (of which I prepared many) and would have felt the same level of pleasure.

Are you starting to see what I mean?

Say you have many pounds to lose. It might be hard to keep your eye on that 30, 40, 60, 100 pound prize.

Keep a shorter term goal in mind.

Do everything you can to feel good in your body right now. Make choices that nourish you. Truly nourish  you. It’s probably not the mini eggs. It certainly wasn’t for me. This a great opportunity for you to learn from my mistake.

You deserve to feel good right now.

So again. Pause and ask yourself what do you really deserve and what will truly feel pleasurable for you?

Lastly, eating reactive foods creates a crazy biochemical cascade. First a hormone called Ghrelin is released which increases hunger. So now you’re eating MORE of the foods that don’t make you feel good. Also reactive foods are going to kick up yeast which are little organisms who crave sugar so now you’re craving sugar too. Oy. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle.

If you’ve got to this point in this article (congrats I know it was a dense one) and you’re wondering how to find out what foods are reactive for you, then let me share my favourite resource. The Metabolism Plan by Lyn-Genet Recitas is a powerful program that shows you how to introduce foods and discover if they are your buddies or your enemies. No matter who you are, you deserve to hang out with the buddies that make you feel good. You get to find the foods that you love, that also love your body. Hello well-deserved pleasure!!

Lets Review:

1.  You deserve to feel good right now.
2. Certain foods will  help and others will hinder this cause.
3. Pleasure is a conscious, sensual experience.
4. You can easily find the foods that your body (not just your tongue) loves.

I’d love to hear your thoughts below. Do you ever eat foods you know are going to make you feel lousy? What is it that you think you’re actually long for when you do? How do you get back on the wagon?

To your healthy, thriving, delightful life!