Resolutions Don’t Work. Consider this Instead.

I miss writing. I miss the habit, the practice, the publishing, the feedback and the growth that comes from writing. I miss sharing information that has improved my life, and very well might improve yours. I love finding small moments in the day and understanding them in a big way as if everything is connected.

And I’m not just saying that because the hub and I just finished watching “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency” on Netflix. If you know the release date of season 2, please don’t do the math and figure out how many episodes we watched in such a short number of days. 😉

Anyhoo, my writing practice had fallen to the bottom of a heap of acute and seasonal stressors that took up time, energy, and focus. And now that that heap is composting nicely I want to get back to a practice of writing. Not necessarily to publish. But just to write.

Tangent Story:

Driving to work the other day I was startled by a CRACK as a rock flew into my window. DANG! There it was the chip and from it the spider web-like thread of cracks reaching out from where the rock had hit. S***!

Seconds before this I was reflecting on how filled up my heart was. The holidays had just ended. I was overflowing with joy after connecting with family and loved ones. The day before was my first day back seeing patients after the holidays and I was reveling in how much I love my job, my office and my office mates.

Then.

CRACK. DANG. S***.

Was this an upper limit? GRRRRRRRRR…. how quickly I was dropped from my dreamy cloud of remembrance.

I headed straight to the auto shop to see what could be done. The glass guy happened to be available and was able to look it over right away. He made a face when he saw it. You know that face, when someone clenches their teeth, lets their bottom lip open widely and possibly to one side, and their eyes look the other direction, all with a furrowed brow? It wasn’t a good look. Confidence wasn’t inspired.

He explained that insurance wouldn’t cover to fill it for free because it was within the field of vision for the driver. It’s okay… you can shake your head too. That’s just dumb.

He could, however, try to fill it for a cost of $70 (all in) but there was no guarantees that it wouldn’t crack the whole windshield. At that point he wouldn’t charge me the $70, but instead would have to order a new windshield which insurance would cover less a $200 deductible.

I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Well I guess we have to take a shot. Are you able to do it now?” He made another face. For this one he bit his lower lip, lifted his eyes up as if trying to see a bug between his eyebrows and bobbed his head side to side. He was considering it. “Sure.”

I sat at a table, accessed the free WIFI and emailed my husband to let him know what was up. Fingers crossed we can do it for the $70!

After a few minutes, the guy came up to me dancing (amazing in and of itself), “We got it!” he exclaimed as he threw his fists into the air, “WE GOT IT!”

Awesome.

I paid and drove to work. Once there I relayed the story to the ever wise, front-desk extraordinaire, Farah. “Why did this happen? And in the middle of my fond joy of all the good that is in my life right now?”

Did I mention she is ever-wise?

She said, “You have to accept it all. The good. The rocks. The chips. All of it.”

Hmm…

It was a small rock. But I was starting to understand it in a big way.

(Side note to this tangent: Farah is teaching yoga workshops at the clinic at the end of each month. Learn all about them near the bottom of this page. She is clearly full of juicy, applicable life nuggets that will change your living experience). End Tangent.

Since it’s January and a new year is upon us, I’ve been thinking about who I want to be, what I want to accomplish, and how I’m going to get there. I’m not a fan of resolutions. We all know those don’t work.

But there is stuff I want to get done in 2018:

I want to reach more people with my message of love, joy, and health. I believe healthy, happy, people doing what they love contribute to world peace.

I want to launch an online course on self-care.

I want to pay off some debt. Okay. A lot of debt.

I want to feel strong, healthy, and energized.

I want to play. Both at home and away. Ideally in Iceland, under the northern lights with my besties.

I want to write.

I want to be by the ocean.

I want to dance.

Without making resolutions, how can I make sure these things happen?

Resolutions fail because they focus on the HUGE result which the brain instantly collapses into the impossible pile. It’s the small, consistent things we need to focus on. You can also read more about that here.

Essentially it comes down to language and choice. I know, to be the person I want to be I’m going to have to act a certain way.  I know to accomplish what I want to I have to take consistent, dedicated action. I can’t build Rome in a day.

And…I have to accept that there are going to be days where no action can be taken. Or days that go badly. I have to accept that rocks might chip my windshield. I can’t control that.

But what can I control?

I can control how and when I show up. I can control what I choose. And how I talk about what I choose. Language and choice.

Which brings us to “conditions of enoughness.” I don’t know where I heard this originally, but when I Google it, I see that this person has written about it a lot.

She explains it beautifully. I’ll wait while you go read that article. Lalal lalalal alal lalal alal. Done? Back? Great.

Some of my ongoing conditions of enoughness are:

Every morning I meditate for 15 minutes.

Each day I move my body in some way for 15-20 minutes.

I write for 2 hours every week. Whether or not I publish those musings, I is gonna write. The purpose is only to write. Because I like it.

I work on my course for 2 hours every week.

When I’m feeling computer fatigue I’m going dance through one fun and peppy song. Like this one. Or this one. Few! That was fun!

After I’ve met the condition:

Regardless of how I feel it went – I pat myself on the back and shove a feather in my cap.

I get to say, “Well done Tonia! You did what you said you were going to do!”

I don’t get to decide if the writing was Pulitzer worthy or better suited for Oscar the Grouch. I don’t get to judge whether I really released the beast during the workout or if I just went through the motions. I don’t get to criticize how I spent most of the meditation thinking about how weird Dirk Gently is or how much I like the show.

I have to accept it all. The good. The rocks. The chips. All of it.

I just get to feel satisfied that I kept my promise to myself. It’s not about perfection. It’s about enough. Ness.

Notice how all the conditions have a time associated with them? I’m setting timers all the time. Notice how all the conditions are dependent only on me and how I am choosing to show up? Notice how all the conditions use present-tense, positive language?

DING!

A two-hour timer just went off. It’s time to stop writing. Well done Tonia! You did what you said were going to do.

Your homework is to create a condition of enoughness for yourself. Pat your self on the back when you meet the condition. Repeat. No matter how little the step, as long as you keep taking them, eventually you’ll have taken enough of them and you’ll get there.

I’d love to know what you’ve come up with and how it goes for you. So be sure to hop back to the comments and let me know!

 

Here’s to your healthy thriving, delightful life!