How Donating a Dress Opened My Heart

Lets Talk About Love, Baby

As part of my personal growth this year I’m doing an experiment in De-Cluttering. You may have read my original post about it. You may even be following my progress.

This all started because I chose a word for the year. For me, 2014 is all about visibility. And yes, part of that means putting myself out there, which can be scary beans. (I bet you never thought beans were scary.)

I knew that if I wanted to truly be “seen,” I would have to look internally and truly “see” myself. I think this can be even scarier beans.

I realized that I (and maybe you?) can keep stuff around as wonderful, glorious distractions. Look at all this stuff! Look at all I have acquired! Look at all I have achieved! Do you see my accomplishments?

(Tweet it!)

I didn’t want to cop out on myself so I created a plan to remove one physical item from my physical space every day. This entire year.

I’m just over a month in and so far so good.I’ve had some interesting conversations in my head about the items I’m purging. Some items have been harder than others. Some have been very thought provoking.

One in particular, kinda rocked my world.

I have had this darling dress. It was cut perfectly for my figure, what with all it’s womanly innie and outtie bits. It had some ruching detail on the skirt part, but only one side. Asymmetry challenges me to be a better person by figuratively bitch-slapping my left-logical brain in the face. It had gerber daisies on it. They are my favorite flower. It was a comfortable cotton.

I purposely wore it to a meeting with some girlfriends. I knew they would tell me how great it was. They did. I loved everything about it.

Except one thing.

I hated the colour.

I saw it hanging there in the closet and realized that all the good qualities of the dress were not enough to override the one quality I didn’t like.

I derived two lessons from this.

Lesson One:
I didn’t have to unconditionally love the dress. I didn’t have to love it for it’s potential. I didn’t have to pretend like it was all okay. I owed nothing to the dress except passing it on to someone who would love 100% of it.

If something is not working for you, get rid of it! You don’t have to love things, systems, tasks, or jobs unconditionally. Notice what you don’t love and change it, give it away, or hire it out.

Lesson Two:
While my first AHA was a good one, I didn’t feel comfortable applying it to other examples in my life. I didn’t feel right saying, “I don’t have to unconditionally love my husband because sometimes he annoys me.” Or my family. Or my friends. Or patients, or coworkers, or animals, or even strangers for that matter. I found trillions of examples where I couldn’t or wouldn’t make this apply. I feel I do HAVE to unconditionally love living organisms.

Even me.

Oh. There was the lesson. It slipped in there like a slug racing to get a dropped, mushy banana. SLOOOOOOOOOOWLY, and with slime.

I know I’m not alone when I look in the mirror and think, “If this innie bit was more innie, or this outtie bit was less outtie.” Or, with or without a mirror “Shouldn’t you be further along by now? Shouldn’t you have done more? Saved more? Cured more?”

Gah. It can be endless.

But it’s time to let it go.

One of my CORE DESIRE FEELINGS is Loving COMMUNITY. I want to feeeeeeel Loving COMMUNITY. Just as the visibility must start internally, I see this does too.

I never would have thought that the 80% perfect red dress was destined to help me open my heart to myself. Just in time for Valentine’s day. How cute.

Ready for the take home question/thought?

(It’s too sweet not to tweet!)

You can respond in the comments. I’d love it. And I’d love it if you would click “like.” And tweet it. And sign up below.

Here’s to your jivin’ Health & thrivin’ Life,

Dr. Tonia