Can Anger Be A Graceful Emotion?

Considering all of the patients I’ve seen over the years, there is one emotion that stands out as being the hardest for people to deal with. It’s had to feel. It’s hard to express. It’s hard to let it go.

It starts with an “A” and ends in a “ger.”

Yep. It’s anger.

You probably knew that based on the title of this article, and the strategic clues I left for you.

Anyhoo… centuries of social programming tell us to always be polite, well-behaved and good. This means suppressing anger. Hogwash. I believe in emotional honesty. Why? Because when we are honest with how we are feeling the body will actually be able to release the emotion, heal and return to normal healthy functioning and programming (aka disease free).

Stuck anger can jam the liver. Stagnant frustration can change menstrual regularity. Buried rage will create volcanic pressure that will one day erupt, often in the cardiovascular system.

Physical symptoms and diseases relating to suppressed anger include: (Tweet it)

• Hypertension
• Heart disease
• Diabetes
• Depression
• Constipation
• Ulcers
• Infertility
• Menstrual pain or irregularities
• Shoulder pain
• Migraines
• Cancer…

Here is a little story from back in Naturopathic college. I had a little spat with one of my best friends and colleagues. We didn’t argue. But something occurred (I can’t exactly remember what – more on this later,) that created a really awkward situation. I do remember it had something to do with the patient schedule in the training clinic. This thing that I did affected her day in a big, frustrating way. I messed up.

When I apologized to her, she said, “Yeah. I was really disappointed that happened.”

Fair enough. I told her I completely understood, and she had every right to feel the way she did.

And although in that moment I felt terrible, I also felt really good because she was so freely and clearly able to say how she felt. She trusted our friendship (and herself) enough to be honest and I was touched.

Our friendship deepened. Her anger was a mobilizing force.

And granted, this wasn’t a crazy mistake, but still created an annoying hiccup in her day. The emotion of anger is full of drive; it’s a catalyst for change, and can actually be quite graceful. It is just as important an emotion all the others in Chinese Medicine: joy, grief, worry and fear. All have their place and purpose.

Instead of allowing the situation to fester, she acknowledged how she felt so we were both able to heal from it. That’s why I don’t remember the actual story. Us looking honestly at what happened, and both feeling what was real for us (instead of repressing it) took the charge out of the experience.

It transformed darkness into light.  Spontaneous remission.

This is why I love Brain-Based Transformational Coaching It is a super tool that quickly removes the charge out of our past suffering to bring more love and joy into the body and into the world.

So what can you do?

I recommend micro-communication as Gay  Hendricks talks about in his book, The Big Leap. You describe the subtle changes in  your body that you notice when you’re feeling emotionally charged or having a hard conversation. For example:
“Wow, I’m feeling tension in my solar plexus.”
“There is a tingling in my skin.”
“I’m noticing a wave wave of heat travelling up my spine.”

It’s a great start because in this type of sharing lies no accusation. No offensive finger pointing or blaming. It’s just your experience, which is real for you. And when you communicate that you demonstrate grace, trust, and incredible emotional maturity (although I do think tantrums have a time and place).

Micro-communication also helps mis-directing anger that is masquerading as stress, fear or grief. All these states may “feel” the same in your body. By describing what you notice, you don’t necessarily need to know what the emotion is. This ability to tune into the messages of your body and express them eloquently is one of the keys to a healthy body and delightful life.

Which is what I want for you.

To a life that lights you up,
Dr. Tonia