This past weekend I attended a personal development seminar as a part of the “Life Sciences” arm under the Brain-Based Transformational Coaching umbrella. I’m an ever-learner; this workshop was a nice and welcomed change to the technical courses I’ve been taking lately.
As much as the course was for me on my own personal path, it was also for my clients and patients. The more I come to learn about myself, and walk this self-love journey, the more compassion, and understanding I bring to my work.
I’m not going to attempt to describe to you in words what I experienced and witnessed. This is partly because the dancer in me considers words to be her second language after movement. And I can’t dance for you in a blog post. (I know video would be a solution to this, but I’m still not sure the depth would come across.) The other reason why I’m going to skip the description is because it was so deeply personal and experiential.
But I did want to share an amazing re-frame the instructor described.
It was about forgiveness.
To me this has been a loaded topic. A confusing premise. One that has always left me feeling torn.
Does forgiveness imply that you condone behavior?
Does forgiveness mean ignoring what happened?
Does forgiveness make you inferior? A victim?
I’m beginning to understand the answer to these questions is no. I’m grateful for my refreshed understanding. It feels quite liberating.
Let me explain.
The truth is we all have stuff from our past that hurts. You can’t undo the events. You may never understand why they happened. But you can change your body’s response to that story.
If we don’t acknowledge our past traumas and allow the emotions associated with them to be processed, they build up and create disease in the body. I see this every day in my practice. The stress of holding onto those memories makes us sick.
And the funny thing is we spend so much time, energy, and effort trying to bury or ignore what happened, or how we feel about what happened.
So I ask you this: Is it working for you?
If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting.
Holding on to the past is keeping you stuck, hurt, and ill. It takes far less effort to let it go.
Why not try something new… like forgiveness?
Back to my class. My instructor’s re-frame was beautiful (and clearly made an impression on me.) She literally rearranges parts of the word forgiveness so it becomes:
I give for myself…
For example:
- I give for myself the permission to release the struggle of this past pain.
- I give for myself the ability and strength to move forward with ease and grace.
- I give for myself the courage to change my story, to live my most delightful life free from these past burdens.
Forgiveness. I give for myself…
It has nothing to do with the people involved or the events themselves. It’s an internal decision to set yourself free. To not let someone else’s decisions or behavior impede you from accessing your birthright of joy.
Truth be told, if someone hurt you or betrayed you in the past they were only doing the best they could with their own hurt. Pain isn’t caused by compassionate people coming from a place of love.
I encourage you to consider these words. Forgiveness isn’t about saying what happened was okay. It’s not about repressing it as if it never happened.
It’s about choosing to release the charge on your mental, physical and spiritual body.
I love working with my patients doing Brain-Based Transformational Coaching because the system is designed to take the charge out of past pain.
Check out this forgiveness prayer if you need more structure.
Moving forward today, what are you going to give for yourself? Feel free to comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If you like this content than please share it with your friends. Imagine a world full of people setting themselves free of a past which previously enslaved them. And be sure to subscribe below. You’ll get access to the Weekly Tonic newsletter and special insights I only share with the superstars on my list.
To you delightful, thriving, forgiving life,
Dr. Tonia
