My husband and I have needed a new mattress for a while. Since we’ve been together actually – seven years so far. I did a lot of research because, well, I’m the picky one of our pair when it comes to what I put in and around my body.
I looked into organic mattresses. I lay on several in various showrooms, encouraging the salesmen to lay on the sample bed with me and roll over to see how much of an earth quake it would cause. I was trying to find a mattress that would minimize the earthquake effect.
I decided on a natural latex option from a local bed store.
My husband even made a bed frame for the new place we would spend 1/3 of our lives for the next 10 years. That’s for how long this mattress is guaranteed.
We bought new linens in a higher thread count and a new wool duvet. We even bought new pillows – also natural latex.
Gosh is it comfortable. Man, are we sleeping better. My husband because he is no longer forced into unanatomical positions by the old bowl mattress, and me because he is no longer earth-quaking me awake every time he flopped over in the never-ending quest to find a comfortable spot.
But.
Something was missing.
I couldn’t help but notice that despite sleeping better because of the enhanced physical comfort, I would wake with a vague emptiness each morning. It took a couple months for me to understand what was different.
What I forgot to mention was this new bed was also a size upgrade. We went form a queen to a king – with the thought that my husband who is 6’4″ to my 5’2″ (I call him “The Giant”) would have more space to spread out should he choose to do so.
That sixteen inches is like crossing the desert. I have to take a taxi to get to his side of the bed. It feels like it’s miles away.
And I realized we were touching far less.
There were fewer (if any) accidental lower leg brushes as we shifted to a new position. It was a rare moment when found our selves awake a the same time and we held hands until we both fell back asleep. There was less spooning.
That emptiness I found in the morning? I’m pretty sure it was due to less of the bonding chemical oxytocin – one of the only hormones in the body that can override the stress hormone, cortisol.
Overtime, this can have ginormous, real, physiological implications.
There are a gazillion studies about how babies who are touched more, develop better and quicker, heal faster, and have higher IQ’s. Just search “skin-to-skin care” in PubMed to find all gazillion.
But the benefits aren’t just in little ones.
People of all ages thrive with the right physical connection. (Tweet it!)
Gentle touch has been shown to improve physical and psychological functioning – especially when it comes to reducing stress, relieving pain, increasing the ability to cope, and general health experiences. Touch signals safety and trust, and soothes cardiovascular stress, lowers heart rate, and blood pressure.
Touch stimulates important feel-good neurotransmitters such dopamine and seratonin, and puts the body in parasympathetic balance by activating the vagus nerve. Not to mention the lowering of cortisol improves immune function and memory.
Fibromyalgia patients participating in a study looking at the effectiveness of therapeutic touch experienced a significant decrease in pain and improvement in quality of life.
Several nursing home residents suffering from Alzheimer’s disease develop behavioral symptoms such as restlessness, searching and wandering, tapping and banging, pacing and walking, and vocalization. A recent study showed that therapeutic touch significantly reduces these behavioral symptoms. In this study the benefits came after only 5-7 minutes of touch, two times per day for three days. Other studies have shown that touch will help these patients relax, make emotional connections with others, and reduce their symptoms of depression.
Jim Coan and Richard Davidson performed a study where the subjects lay in a functional MRI brain scanner anticipating a painful blast of white noise. When it came there was heightened brain activity in the threat and stress brain areas. However, when the subjects’ romantic partner stroked their arm while they waited, they didn’t show this reaction at all. The touch positively modified the threat reaction.
And! The benefits of touch even extend to professional athletes; NBA basketball teams whose players touch each other more win more games.
I find particularly interesting the studies that show that patients who receive touch and eye contact from their doctor see higher survival rates and health outcomes – even in complex diseases.
For me it was a king size bed that decreased my human connection. But for most it’s the gadgets which we sadly touch more than our loved ones these days. But we don’t get the same physiological benefits from the electronics.
Put the gadgets away. Connect with your loved ones.
A good guideline? I like this one: 4 Hugs a Day by Charlotte Diamond (one of my childhood heros). By the way as she clearly sings, 4 hugs per day is the minimun – NOT the maximum. That is your challenge this week. See if you can get 4 in per day. Minimum.
I also like the rule of fives. Within 5 minutes of coming home, come with in 5 feet of your partner, and spend 5 minutes. But this article is about touch. Why leave any space? Connect.
My husband and I now make a concerted and conscious effort to leave the extra space in our new bed at the edges, not in the middle, so we can find each other easily and touch more.
To your touching, thriving, healthy delightful life,
I love that song!! 4 hugs a day! I used to sing it to my kids all the time. It still runs through my head every now and again – especially when I see that someone is in dire need of a big hug! Hugs to you my dear Tonia!