Does this sound familiar?
Things in your relationship are going along tickedy-boo and then, BAM! Three little letters change everything and threaten to ruin it all.
PMS.
Premenstrual Syndrome.
This comes in many forms but typically symptoms include moodiness and irritability, bloating, low energy, and sugar or carbohydrates cravings. You kinda wish chocolate would flow out of the faucet when you turn it on.
For several women, before they start their period, their bodies and moods can seem out of their control. And while there are biochemical and hormonal reasons for these swings there are also deeper, emotional reasons for this stress.
Truth be told when a woman menstruates she is meant to focus her attention internally, and reevaluate what is working in her life and what needs to change. The bleeding symbolizes a letting go. A little death, from which new possibilities can arise.
So when the days near the start of her flow her body is wanting to focus less on the needs of others and more on the needs of herself. However, it is sadly rare when a woman has this kind of freedom.
Tension develops because what her body wants is not what it can have. (Tweet it!)
During this time, the raging, unbalanced hormones, make it nearly impossible to have a civilized conversation with your hunny.
It then becomes important to express your needs before the needs arise.
You can teach your sweetie how to look after you.
The best time to have this conversation is just after your period ends. This is generally the most emotionally steady place of a woman’s cycle.
You sit them down and say,
“Hunny, you know I love you and I know you love me. Thanks by the way. What is true for me is that when it’s ____ number of days before my period I need to be focusing most of my time, energy, and attention on myself. And while that may seem confusing or selfish, it is a way to keep my body and heart healthy. I have a harder time being clear about the support I need during the days before my period so I wanted to have this conversation now. What I need from you during this time is…”
(fill in the blank with
- …more help around the house
- for you to not ask anything of me
- foot rubs
- what ever you need…)
The cool thing is your partner wants to support you.
They want to be your knight (or knightess) in shining armour. The clearer you can be about how they can best show up for you, the more they gladly will. It will delight them to provide what you need when you it.
This will deepen the trust and love in your relationship and definitely build the staying power.
(If your partner can’t show up for you in the way you want or need, it might be time to reassess the relationship.)
Right now I want you to write down a list of your needs during your PMS time. Keep the list handy and have this conversation just after your next cycle ends.
Here’s to your thriving and delightful premenstrual time,
Dr. Tonia
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